Exercise 2: Say Thank You
Select from the following list three things you really appreciate about your spouse. (Of course, you can add items not on the list.) Then tell your spouse what these three things are. This can be as simple as a statement like “I really like the way you are sensitive to my moods.”
- Your energy
- Your strength
- The way you are commanding
- The way you let me direct things
- How sensitive you are to me
- How you support me and respond to my moods
- Your ability to read me
- The way you are when we make decisions
- The way you let me be myself
- Your skin
- Your face
- Your warmth
- Your enthusiasm
- Your hair
- The way you touch me
- How safe I feel with you
- Your tenderness
- Your imagination
- Your eyes
- The way I trust you
- Your passion
- How well you know me
- Your gracefulness
- The way you move
- The way you kiss me
- Your affection
- Your playfulness
- Your humor
- How you look in clothes
- Your loyalty to me
- Your competence as a spouse
- Your competence as a parent
- What you are like as a friend
- Your sense of style
Follow these five steps, and you’ll be able to move out of gridlock on your perpetual problems. Be patient with the process and each other. By their very nature, these problems are tenacious. To loosen their grip on your marriage will take commitment and faith on both your parts. You’ll know you’re making progress when the issue in question feels less loaded to you both–when you can discuss it with your sense of humor intact, and it no longer looms so large that it crowds out the love and joy in your relationship.