Part of what makes life meaningful are the goals we strive to achieve. While we all have some very practical goals—like earning a certain income–we also have deeper, more spiritual goals. For one person, the goal may be to find peace and healing after a tumultuous, abusive childhood. For another it may be to raise children who are goodhearted and generous. Many times we don’t talk about our deepest goals. Sometimes we haven’t even asked ourselves these questions. But when we start, it gives us the opportunity to explore something that can have a profound impact on ourselves and our marriage.
Not only will you increase the intimacy of your marriage by sharing your deepest goals with your spouse, but to the extent that you work together to achieve shared goals, they can be a path toward making your union even richer. For example, both Emilie and Alex were committed to doing volunteer work for their church. Once their kids were grown, they decided they wanted to leave a spiritual legacy to their community. So he joined the board of directors of the religious school, and she started an adult education program at the church for people who wanted to become reacquainted with their faith. “I would have done this on my own,” says Emilie. “But feeling in partnership with Alex about the importance of giving something back to my community and my church has made it an even more rewarding experience. I feel renewed not just in my faith but in my marriage as well.”