Detector Questionnaire

Here is a list of questions to ask yourself once a week. It will guide you in assessing how your relationship is faring. Just remember to discuss these things using a softened startup and without being critical of your spouse. The best approach is to say something like “Hey I really feel out of touch with you. What’s going on?” (Be careful not to address any issues right before bedtime. This could interfere with your sleep.)

Instructions: Use this questionnaire to assess how things went in your marriage today (or lately), and whether you want to bring up any issues. Check as many as you think apply. If you checked more than four, think about talking things over gently with your partner, within the next three days.

  • I have been acting irritable.
  • I have been feeling emotionally distant.
  • There has been a lot of tension between us.
  • I find myself wanting to be somewhere else.
  • I have been feeling lonely
  • My partner has seemed emotionally unavailable to me.
  • I have been angry.
  • We have been out of touch with each other.
  • My partner has little idea of what I am thinking.
  • We have been under a great deal of stress, and it has taken its toll on us.
  • I wish we were closer right now.
  • I have wanted to be alone a lot.
  • My partner has been acting irritable.
  • My partner has been acting emotionally distant.
  • My partner’s attention seems to be somewhere else.
  • I have been emotionally unavailable to my partner.
  • My partner has been angry.
  • I have little idea of what my partner is thinking.
  • My partner has wanted to be alone a lot.
  • We really need to talk.
  • We haven’t been communicating very well.
  • We have been fighting more than usual.
  • Lately small issues escalate.
  • We have been hurting each other’s feelings.
  • There hasn’t been very much fun or joy in our lives.